You Do Not Belong Here

October 28, 2015

I had heard of salvia a while back through a friend of mine, who had tried it and didn’t like it. The name stuck in my head until I eventually looked it up and did some research. What I found was a lot of people having “spiritual journeys” and such. I had never done any drugs other than pot and hash, but the testimonials and research I did made this sound intriguing. I bought some 20x extract.

My original plan was to have my wife sit for me but she was nervous at the thought of seeing an adverse reaction. One night(about midnight) after getting it I was smoking a little pot and had a flash of “inspiration”. I scratch a little off the top of my one hitter and padded a small amount of salvia on top. I took a puff, held in in a while, and felt nothing. I tried it one more time and began to walk to my living room, assuming it didn’t work, with the intention of watching TV. By the time I reached the living room, which is 20 feet down the hall, my apartment had become something I’m still not sure I have the ability to adequately describe. It was like I, and everything in my apartment, were part of a storybook made of small, colored “bricks, which were constanly and slowly descending to the ground.” Every movement I made felt like I was swimming through them. I could even hear them move. I kept forgetting the time. I wasn’t sure if I should be getting ready for work or bed. I convinced myself that I should go to bed and see if I could have a crazy dream. I managed to get to the bathroom, actually brush my teeth, and shuffle off too bed. No crazy dreams that I can remember.

The next day, I kept thinking about the experience. I didn’t laugh or sweat and I managed to turn off my tv and brush my teeth while on this stuff. It was interesting to me and I decided to have more that night, but by itself. I decided to take some advice that I read on one of the salvia sites to find a comfy, silent place, sit with my eyes closed, and let it become almost like a lucid dream.

That night, once more around midnight and after setting up my living room, I packed some salvia into my one hitter and took a puff. I held it in as I got to my couch and exhaled. Nothing. I didn’t even get a tingle. I packed the one hitter one more time and repeated my previous actions. I closed my eyes, leaned back, and put my hands behind my head.

My skin began to tingle all over, like when an arm or leg falls asleep. It was gentle at first and got progressively more intense. I could feel each individual nerve fire. After a short while it began to feel like I was being pulled from my couch by some unseen force or energy. I began to sweat profusely. I stood and opened my eyes.

I had the same sense of forgotten time that I had the first time. I then experienced an unvoiced urgency, for lack of a better term, with a message that I interpreted as “You do not belong here.” It didn’t upset me, but it confused the hell out of me. Where didn’t I belong? My apartment? The living room? My job? Did I maybe not belong in whatever mental state I was in? I looked at one of my walls that has a few posters on it. The posters were warping as if someone was holding a big piece of distorted, convex glass over it and turning it slowly. The figures in the calendar on the wall began to pop from the page as if they were in 3D. I remember being a little disappointed that this was the extent of my trip.

Suddenly, I just really wanted to lay down. I shooed the cats off the couch and laid down. I closed my eyes and told myself that I would wait until it was over, but if I fell asleep on the couch that it was OK because it was my couch and it was 12:30 at night.

After about 20 minutes of laying silently, opening my eyes once to check if I was still seeing things as warped ( I was), I finally saw clear enough to get up. I was soaked through with sweat and just wanted to go to bed. It wasn’t a bad trip in the sense that I got freaked out or saw something that made me do so. It was a bad trip because the excessive sweating part grossed me out. I also can say that I don’t like the whole not knowing the time thing. One second it feels like it’s 2am and the next it’s 10:30 in the morning and I have to get ready for work. It was a bit frustrating when I think about it now.

My advice for anyone thinking of trying this for the first time is to do this at the end of your day. Make sure you have the ability to lay down safely and rest if needed. I did not have a sitter, knowing I was supposed to, and just happened not to do anything stupid or hurt myself. I feel it could just have easily went the other way. I undertstand now why they would be needed. I’d also say to have a good attitude going into this, because it will come through in your experience. I’m not throwing it out, but I’m also not in any rush to try it again. Maybe, one day when I have friends around, it will come out again.

by Mark